Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
