Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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