What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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