i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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