if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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