I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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