ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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