his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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