Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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