My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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