I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
