we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
