My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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