yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
