God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
