She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
