She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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