And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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