she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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