i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
