but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
