i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
