Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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