Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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