Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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