Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize