Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
