My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
