Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
