High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
