You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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