dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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