It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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