the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
