Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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