I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
