I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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