Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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