I need to stop coming to work sober
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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