Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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