He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
