How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
