you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
