So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
