Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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