Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
