Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
