it's great music for shaving your balls
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
