on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did I show you my penis last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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