So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
