He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
