they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
