the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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