i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
