It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
