They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
