I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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