At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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