Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
