I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
