On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
