I hope mine doesn't look like that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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