He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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