this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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