Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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