I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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